Poetry - S A Healey

From Self-Loathing to Self-Love (a poem)

SA Healey — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 17:25:32 +0000

She often speaks of love
But what of the adore
She owes her own
Seasoned body and soul
The extraordinary simplicity
Of a moment
When conceding to her age
Becomes a gift and not a crime
When clock-stopping
Loses its baby-soft appeal
When big browns snagging
On those department store panes
Fail to spur misadventures
In self-upgrading
When ‘girl’ rings true
To a past she outgrew
And the woman at hand
Is the queen who shines
Despite abs that no longer behave
In a concave way
Her wash-n-go coif
And Mom Squad garb
Agreeable garnishes
To a half-century (just two years shy)
Worn under her eyes
Like a badge of honor
Because this is a life
She has truly lived

The post From Self-Loathing to Self-Love (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

More (a poem)

SA Healey — Sat, 08 Jul 2017 17:34:44 +0000

She kept the bouquets
Given in bloom
Before reverence was a ghost
Rancid lilies
On the bedside table
Patronizing her
With their shelf-life devotion

“Never again will I love,” she proclaimed
“Never again will I give,” she explained
“Never again will I chase the chaser”
“Stroke the ego”
“Be led by reins made from frays of detachment”

She told herself
Life was brilliant, easier
When she kept her heart guarded
Though at the point of sale
She didn’t buy
What she was pushing

Yet she existed without living
Thought without reasoning
Reached for tomorrow
Inside ancient history
Plagued by its confines
As the floor met the ceiling
And the walls closed in

She took to sand and sea
Cloud gazing in the dunes
Spongy beds beneath her spine
Bursts of freckles just a sun-kiss away
As she finally came to

Her fractured fairytale
Still pierced her mind
But its jabs were brief
And its frequency was fading

Oh, but she was slow
To usher in…him
A knight without the armor
Bold and uninvited
Extracting her from that comfy corner
Of complacency

She took his attention
With a side of suspicion
Despite emotions upending
Without permission
Blending then curving
In all directions

Ah, but it felt too good

Too rare
Too risky
Too scary
Too much
Too fast
Too soon

She charted an escape
A path to resistance
Right there for the taking

She clung to it
Bathed in it
Slept in it
Woke to it
Gorged herself on it
And wore it
Like a second skin

But damn
If he wasn’t persistent
And beautiful
And so easy to adore

But surely
Her surrender
To that exquisite ache
Adhering to her frantic pulse
Was merely a prelude
To a greater pain to come?

No
Yes

Predictions were tangled
And often convoluted
So she took a leap of fate
For this joy was worth
Every maybe

When he showed her the stars
She was infinite
When he opened his arms
She fell home
When he pulled her close
Her body remembered
What she told it to forget
Its artful formation
Both courageous and kind

When he held out his heart
She slipped it on for size
Its perfect fit
Impossible to ignore

And when she let out her crazy
He took out his scars
And when she let down her hair
He caught all her fears
And when he kept coming back
She stopped asking why
And when he loved her
She loved him more

The post More (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

For Me (a poem)

SA Healey — Thu, 28 Jul 2016 21:47:53 +0000

Write me
In bold-stroked Sharpie fashion
Cradle me
Like you do your leather-bound literature
Feed me
Your compliments judiciously
Bring me
Faith in longevity
Give me
As good as you get
Play me
From lullaby to lyrical bite
Make me
A song that will save your life
Render me
Willingly defenseless
Feel me
With every fiber of your middle age
Watch me
Teeter with my heart on the line
Know me
Beyond the smoke and mirrors
Accept me
For my tongue-stammer authenticity
Tell me
Soulmates don’t switch like the weather
Show me
It’s not all lip service
Brand me
‘Til separation would be as painful as a burn
Love me
Because I am yours and yours alone

The post For Me (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

Recollection (a poem)

SA Healey — Thu, 23 Jun 2016 16:44:58 +0000

I recall
The pain
Fluid
In its persistence
Stalking
My mobility
Diluting
My vitality
A humid shadow
Of looming
Consuming
Endurance
Oozing under footfalls
Permeating soles
Slogging north
‘Til all I could taste
Was grit
And disillusion

I recall
The tears
Kept at bay
Out of sheer
Determination
To denounce
My cantankerous
Unravelling
Upholding
Proper posture
Beneath
The burden
Of knowing
Full
Wasn’t as heavy
As empty

I recall
Wondering
When my thoughts
Would suspend
Their cyclonic fumbling
Edging for something
Just out of reach
Rapt by
Their own dominion
Garbled notes
Echoing cruelly
Between my ears
Holding me
Hostage
Against the breath
Of their merciless wind

I recall
When the world
Finally stopped
Spinning
And I sank
To my knees
In grateful praise
Of greener pastures
Spread invitingly
Before my pleading eyes
Wheatgrass
Seductive
In its ebb and flow
Calling to me
Like slender fingers
Beckoning
And for the first time
In forever
I actually felt
Like dancing

I recall
My feet
Moving
Of their own accord
Surging me
Toward a goal
I never thought existed
That void
Filling in
And brimming over
Its face
Emerging
In shades
Of solace
The sun caught
In its lashes
A heart cupped
In its ample hands

I recall
How a single
Full-bodied smile
Erased a lifetime
Of hurt
My own
Reciprocal grin
A showcase
In creases
Of many lives lived
Etching vulnerable
Patterns
Across my skin
Charting dreams
And insecurities
Wants
And bare necessities
Unfathomable
That I could feel
Such joy
But still lay naked
My fears

I recall
Finding
A place to belong
Inside your soul
Somewhere to be
Unapologetically me
Where feeling
Didn’t make
Me weak
A space
That not only
Completed
But wholed me
A home
In which to cultivate
Tomorrow
A gift of time
To open
With burgeoning hope
That something
So precious
Could last forever

I recall
That the greatest
Love
I’ve known
Or ever will know
Still exists
Inside of me
Homage
To the rhythm
Of the music
We made
Its percussion
Ever present
Within my veins
Building to
Domeless crescendos
Their purpose
To expand
Evolve
And to carry me on

I recall…

And I will never
Let you go

The post Recollection (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

Why? (a poem)

SA Healey — Sun, 13 Sep 2015 19:24:09 +0000

To dig deep.
To win and to lose.
To search for outlets.
To bleed raw.
To dance with my demons.
To face the trauma.
To explore what it means to experience life.
To agonize.
To intellectualize.
To explode into the fragments I hide.
To salt my wounds.
To taste the tears.
To fade my scars.
To feel everything as powerfully as I can.
To believe in my worth.
To forgive myself for weakness and misplaced trust.
To release the guilt that was never mine to carry.
To live with passion and unwavering faith.
To express with honesty, always…no matter how joyous or sad or ridiculous or maddening.
To recognize that the truth is often convoluted.
To demand more ingenuity.
To begin each day knowing there’s a chance to make it better.
To embrace all the moments, big and small.
To understand that no story is ever completely told.
To reunite with my first love every time I hold a pen.

This is why…I write.

The post Why? (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

Elastic (a poem)

SA Healey — Fri, 26 Jun 2015 00:37:03 +0000

Dream
Until it leans
Sharper and insistent
Until it shimmers
Between the shreds of doubt
Until it thaws
And comes back to life
Until it rips
Through your diaphragm
Until it tumbles
In and out of promise
Until it slams
One door and pries open another
Until the pain
Begins to rise again
Until you cry out
In despair
Until the spells of vertigo
Are almost too much
Until you run
Out of tries
Until you fall
Out of tears
Until you bleed
Out of cants
Until you fill
Up with cans
Until you escape
The finality of no
Until your reach
Is elastic
Until you grab
What’s yours
And
Hold
The
Fuck
On

The post Elastic (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

She Runs (a poem)

SA Healey — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 18:20:53 +0000

She runs
To and from
Islands of composure
Gliding through sun and shadow
Fate pursuing dominance
Against tenacious tides
Where everything swims
Unruly and collected
Polite public masks
Bobbing between cartoonish faces
Distortion holding her close to fear
Where all her dark
Bleeds into light
Each morning
Just another day
Or so she feigns
As time bleats on
Hard
Relentless
Slow
Melodic
Hands in aroused rotation
Striking chords lower than sin
Synths of sand
Throbbing under softened flesh
Wishes
Falling to her feet
Like offerings
Upending her emotions
Till they scatter
Half in
Half out
Of the shallow calm
Where she has drifted
In banality
For far too long
Reluctant to leave
Reluctant to stay
Though today
She gnaws the bait
Surrendering
In a plunge of faith
To the depths of uncertainty
Where nothing
Makes perfect sense
And life is a beautiful mess
Yet aha moments
Cloud with second guesses
So still
In her mind
She runs

The post She Runs (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

Seductive Quill (a poem)

SA Healey — Wed, 20 May 2015 19:58:15 +0000

She writes
In succumb
To the thrum
Of a sinister
Distorted base
Thoughts swelling
In midnight blue
Surmounting
Limbo states of want
Fingers twitching
With molten maledictions
Ten interminable storms
In elemental digression
Hurling metaphors
Against the clogs
Of a caged mind
Cracking the code
Wetting the plume
Drowning her
In colloquy
Its delicious brutality
A kiss
That was years
In the making
A most exquisite
Brand of torture
Born from the emergence
Of her truest self
In the push
Behind the quill

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At My Fingertips (a poem)

SA Healey — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 23:09:23 +0000

It happened
Against the nocturnal blush
Of the whispering sky
My eyes lost
In its infinite blackness
Until I suddenly found myself
Up in those stars
And again in the shadows
That melded and danced
Beneath the brooding trees
And I caught an epiphany
On the wind
As it thickened my hair
Leaving its debris
Until it was all I could feel
And I knew I’d never formulate
The proper words
To translate such a moment
But I longed to write them anyway
And I continued to gaze above me
Absorbing the vastness of the universe
Mind bent by the notion
That I was something
So very small
Inside of something larger than life
Yet comforted by that special nook
Carved out for me
Amid the diamond flickers
Pirouetting like a billion souls in flight
And though I’d forever yearn
And though I’d forever dream
For things I couldn’t yet reach
Still I’d live this life
And still I’d feel this life
As it hummed along my skin
And rattled my bones
Like claps of thunder
Awakened and unencumbered
By an intense clarity
That everything I ever wanted
Or needed
Was always there
Right at my fingertips

The post At My Fingertips (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

See. Hear. Feel. (a poem)

SA Healey — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 19:31:23 +0000

I see

I hear

I feel

Am I the only one who can?

Why do you rush when there’s nothing but time?

Why don’t you dance when the music comes on?

Is it because people are watching?

Show them how amazing you are!

Why wear beige and seep into walls?

Why not wear red — be a standout instead?

Be proud of who you are!

Don’t just walk

Look around

Catch the brilliance in the ground

Do you know what I mean?

Silver flecks in the pavement shine like diamonds when the sun hits them just right

There is so much beauty in ordinary things

Do you see it?

I’d rather look ahead than down at my phone

Look at me

What do you see?

Aren’t I spectacular?

Look at you

You’re terrific too

Don’t you see it?

Do you hear the ocean when it speaks to you?

It’s talking in waves

Do you listen?

“Shhhh,” it whispers

I know what it means

Do you?

I’ll tell you a secret

We make too much noise

We love to hear ourselves talk

Don’t we?

Our voices are shrill

We want to be heard

But do we hear?

We should listen more

The ocean is smart

Why else would it be so big?

When I swim I am drenched with hugs

That’s because the Earth is special and so is God

And He loves me

God made the ocean and that’s why it holds me

It holds you too

But do you feel it?

Do you taste the salty kisses?

That’s how the ocean says hello

Do you say good morning to your family?

Or do you grunt instead?

Do you tell them you love them?

If you don’t, you should

People are grumpy a lot it seems

Maybe it’s because they’re tired all the time

People need to rest more

And take vacations

I love Disney World

You can get your picture taken with all the princesses

I like to pretend I’m a princess

Elsa from Frozen is my favorite

When I feel sad I say to myself, “I am a princess”

Or I pretend I’m Bethany Hamilton, my hero

And that makes everything better

When you feel sad, you should try it

And music

Never forget the music

Listen to your favorite song on repeat until you drive your parents crazy

And dance until your feet hurt

But the most important thing…

Smile

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month. This poem was inspired by and written with the assistance of my daughter, Elizabeth, who happens to have an extra chromosome. Her family and friends celebrate her beautiful accomplishments and zest for life every single day.

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