The post FILL ME IN Book Release News first appeared on S A Healey.

Best. Feeling. Ever.

Seriously, nothing compares to experiencing this kind of flow.

Divine intervention must be to blame. Either that, or something’s “up” with these Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes I’ve been sucking down like it’s my job.

Whatever the reason, I feel like raising the roof in grateful praise of this turbocharged creativity.

Hallelujah!

Of course, it’s entirely possible that tomorrow could put me in a staring contest with a blank screen. Or have me fretting over a single sentence for hours on end. Or encourage me to bang my head against the keyboard repeatedly just for kicks.

But I’d rather not think about that right now.

What I have been giving substantial thought to, however, is the number of books I’d like to put out over the next five years…

25. At minimum.

Holy schnikes, that seems like an impossibly tall order. I’m typically good for three polished manuscripts per twelve-month period, which to me, is a lot already. But, with one book soon to release; two primed and ready to go in the months to follow; one manuscript in the editing phase and one about to enter it; I’d really like to build on that stack of up-and-comers with a steady frequency so that readers (yes, that’s you!) never have to wait long between releases. As a prodigious reader myself, I know how hard it is to exercise patience when you’re hungry for that next book to hit the shelves.

So, today it dawned on me that National Novel Writing Month just got underway…

And I can’t think of a better vehicle for putting my Five-Years-To-Twenty-Five-Books Plan into motion. It will spur me to up the ante in transferring the ideas from my brain to tangible, readable, completed works.

What is National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo), you ask?

At its core, NaNoWriMo is a creative endeavor that challenges participants to write a 50,000-word novel within a one-month timeframe.

But, really, it is so much more.

This annual November event provides a healthy way for writers to channel their competitive streaks. What I especially love is that there can be many winners. Anyone who joins and then rises to the 50,000-word challenge earns a NaNoWriMo certificate of honor. Even more rewarding is the immense sense of accomplishment that comes with writing a book in 30 days! But those who don’t win still earn multiple gains…

Including a staunch support system of fellow writers, an arsenal of productivity hacks, and a daily writing habit that’s firmly set.

Therefore, in actuality, you just can’t lose.

It’s been years since I last took part, and I don’t know why I waited so long to give it another go (*gives self a dope slap*). It’s always been a fun and successful experience, reminding me I am capable of faster writing if I put my mind to it.

(*Croons out the lyrics to Incubus’s “Drive”*)

If you’re a writer yourself with a story that’s just begging to get on the page…

Visit http://nanowrimo.org to find out how it can help you reach your creative goals.

It’s free to join, who why not jump right in?

I’m about to head over there right now, and I know just the story I want to work on…

An angsty, sexy, opposites attract, New Adult romance that’s got a plot twist to beat all plot twists.

Eep! I can’t wait to get started!

If you’re currently taking part in NaNoWriMo, feel free to let me know in the comments or on social media. And remember…

You’ve got this!

The post Do You NaNoWriMo? first appeared on S A Healey.

“Don’t dream your life. Live your dreams.” – Author unknown

We all need dreams, don’t we? Something to strive for. Something that adds a little extra sparkle to our lives. These “somethings” fill us with hope and a glimpse of all we are destined to be.

The problem is that for many of us, dreams become rooted in our minds without branching out into something tangible. While our heads may go deep in pursuit, their yen for overthinking serves as the anchor that prevents us from taking any real action.

I’m speaking metaphorically, of course.

We don’t literally dwell in stillness. In fact, we’re in perpetual day-to-day-grind motion, raising families, working, or both. We’ve got responsibilities. Bills to pay and mouths to feed.

To keep the juggling act alive, we bid our personal ambitions a “temporary” farewell, dulling the shine of those once gleaming dreams as we store them upon a shelf in the cobwebbed recesses of our subconscious, with plans to dust ’em off and give ’em a go “someday.”

But what if someday never comes?

What if the gulf between where you are now and where you want to be just seems too daunting to cross?

First thing’s first…

That feeling of being stuck is a universal human experience.

I, too, have felt that sense of inertia. It’s akin to spinning your wheels in the mud, going nowhere while the world appears to pass you by. If you’re currently feeling stuck in life, it’s not a sign that you’re broken or adulting wrong. It’s a signal that you’re ready for a change. Psychologically, this feeling is often tied to our brain’s natural fear response, a mental paralysis that happens when the path forward seems unclear. The good news is that you have the power to break free and move forward again. In essence, the short answer to the two questions I posed above is…

It’s never too late to live the life you want.

If that just made you roll your eyes hard, I wouldn’t think less of you. I’ll admit that at first glance, this sentiment can give off a vibe that’s more meme-worthy than practical.

I get it. Who has time to find their sparkle, anyway?

If you’re like me and 99% of the population, you’re busy enough already. Or even burnt out. With all the continuous (and often repetitive) demands placed upon you, it’s common to get lost amid those daily obligations.

But that’s what you signed up for, isn’t it? When you took that job. When you said your “I-dos.” When you had children. That’s the life you created by your own design. No sense investing in yourself at this point. You gave up that right when you made those other choices.

Wait. WHAT?

Okay, that was harsh. While some might not appreciate my sarcasm (my own family is still on the fence about my so-called “wit”), my intention was to draw out the ludicrousness of thinking we’re permanently nailed down by our choices and circumstances. Or that we’re not entitled to seek enrichment. That it’s wrong or even selfish to want more.

So, let’s get something straight…

More is healthy.

More provides purpose.

Striving for more doesn’t mean you have to quit your job, abandon your family, or shirk your responsibilities. Nor does it suggest giving your existing life the proverbial middle finger. It means you’re allowed to add something to your life that’s just for you, to have a dream and go after it.

You deserve to feel fulfilled.

Maybe you already know this.

Perhaps a lifelong goal has been at the forefront of your mind for years. It may have even compelled you to write a list of affirmations, create a vision board, and imagine yourself living the dream while binge-watching clips of The Secret on YouTube.

I’ve possibly done some of these very things myself. Or all of them. Maybe.

Definitely.

I’m not discounting this stuff, by the way. Everything you add to your motivational toolbox has value. Yet it’s not so much the tools that will make a difference in your life, but the elbow grease behind them.

Therein lies the challenge.

What if you can’t get beyond the list-making phase? What if you just feel stuck?

For instance, stuck in…

the past
an unfulfilling job
bad habits
your fear
your own head

You may even decide it’s easier to live with your stuckness instead of dealing with the possible fallout of rejection and the belief (no matter how false) that maybe you’re just not good enough for the dreams you’ve conceived. If this happens, you forgo your passion and resign yourself to a life of maintaining the status quo.

That’s not living. That’s settling.

When you settle, things appear copacetic on the surface. However, in the underbelly of your soul, those “what ifs” serve to weigh you down.

But you can feel lighter, and you can start today.

Here are seven actionable, practical, science-backed ways to get unstuck and start living in alignment with your dreams.

1. Shift Your Perspective from Scarcity to Abundance by Practicing Gratitude

In my opinion, adopting an attitude of gratitude is by far the most important step you can take if you ever truly hope to make some headway in your personal progress. When you’re stuck in a rut, your focus naturally narrows to what you don’t have, what’s going wrong, and what you can’t control. Gratitude is the practice that systematically reverses this.

When you shift your focus from what you don’t have to what already do, you begin to see things in proper perspective and appreciate them.

Do you have a spouse? A partner? Children? A supportive family? Good friends? Are you healthy? Do you have a roof over your head? Food to eat? Answering yes to some or all of these questions allows for clarity, a “lifting of the fog,” so to speak, revealing a deeper cognizance of your priceless relationships and those basic human needs you never have to go without.

Consistency elevates the practice of gratitude to a form of mental training that can naturally rewire your brain. Research in positive psychology confirms that gratitude effectively reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Furthermore, it can create lasting changes in the brain’s prefrontal cortex, heightening your responsiveness to positive experiences.

Actionable Step: Start a Gratitude Journal

Spend just 15 minutes before bed jotting down a few grateful sentiments. This simple exercise forces you to scan your day for positives, and studies have shown it can even lead to better and longer sleep.

2. Cultivate Realistic Optimism to Build Resilience

We all act like Negative Nellies on occasion. It’s kind of hard to avoid when circumstances can turn on a dime. Your stick-to-itiveness will be tried and tested again and again. There will be times when you’ll feel like giving up. It’s going to happen, and when it does, you’ll be tempted to blame others or slip into a convenient world-is-conspiring-against-me temperament.

But don’t give in. Don’t withdraw. Don’t hide behind passivity. Stay true to your vision. The key is to cultivate realistic optimism —  not ignoring life’s difficulties but building a resilient belief in your ability to cope with them. This is a skill that takes practice, and since its mastery happens on your timeline, you can keep working at it as needed without pressure or deadlines.

Research has shown that optimists are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors like regular exercise and seeking medical care, which contribute to a greater sense of well-being. Take responsibility for your stagnation so you can get on the other side of it.

Actionable Step: Reframe Your Setbacks

When you face a challenge, consciously reframe your thoughts. Instead of thinking, “This always happens to me,” ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” or “What is one small step I can take to improve this situation?” This simple shift moves you from a state of helplessness to one of empowerment.

3. Regain a Sense of Control with Achievable Goal Setting

Lists can be extremely helpful, but keep them brief and specific so you don’t become overwhelmed. Composing a ten-page Word document detailing all the things you want to achieve in life might seem like a good idea in theory. But then seeing it all laid out in front of you in 12pt Britannic Bold can actually feel rather intimidating. That feeling of overwhelm is a common cause of paralysis. Psychologists call this “learned helplessness,” a state where past experiences have taught your brain to expect failure, causing you to feel powerless even when change is possible.

The antidote is to reclaim your agency through small, achievable wins. This is where the science of Goal Setting Theory comes in. Studies convincingly demonstrate that setting specific, challenging (but achievable) goals leads to far higher performance and motivation than vague intentions.

I suggest writing 1-3 attainable benchmarks each day. You can even scribble them on a Post-it, which is what I do. Just a few tasks to accomplish in a 24-hour period sets you up for the successful completion of a few more tasks the next day. Each completed task, no matter how small, sends a signal to your brain that you are capable of making progress, which builds the momentum you need to keep going.

Actionable Step: Create “Implementation Intentions”

Go beyond just listing your tasks. Create a specific plan for when and where you will act. For example, instead of “go for a walk,” your goal becomes, “I will walk around the block for 20 minutes immediately after I finish lunch.” This simple tweak dramatically increases your chances of follow-through.

4. Leverage Social Support for Motivation and Accountability

I remember when I shared my dream of becoming an author with my husband back in 2012. He was the first person I ever told. I worried that blurting, “Hey babe, I think I’ll write romance novels for a living” would be met with either a sourpuss or insane laughter and a rebuttal along the lines of “Umm…okaaaaay. What’s next? A pink Corvette and a boob job? Be sure to let me know when your midlife crisis is over.”

Of course, he would never really say such things to me, and his actual response was sincerely supportive, which quickly put my mind at ease. Knowing I had someone in my corner made all the difference in the world.

More than a feeling, it’s a core psychological need. Humans are fundamentally social creatures, and a strong support system is essential for mental health. Research shows that having supportive people in your life acts as a powerful buffer against stress and reduces the risk of depression and anxiety.

Give voice to your personal goals. It’s okay to ask for help. Tell your spouse, your partner, your parents, your kids, your best friend, or all of the above. Just be sure these people are positive influencers who will lift you up and cheer you on. A word of caution: Some people won’t want you to succeed, especially if they’re feeling stuck themselves. People like this are toxic. You would do well to avoid them if at all possible.

Actionable Step: Schedule an Accountability Check-In

Identify one or two people in your life who are positive influencers. Schedule a specific time to share one of your goals with them. Explicitly ask them to check in with you in a week to see how you’re progressing.

5. Break the Cycle of Anxiety by Systematically Facing Your Fears

Fear is the invisible wall that keeps you stuck. Even if you’ve heard, “don’t be afraid” or “ignore your fears” from well-meaning people approximately a gazillion times throughout your life, it’s like being told to stop laughing when The Big Bang Theory is on. Not gonna happen.

It’s not a crime to be scared. Because if you weren’t, then your dreams wouldn’t be important to you.

Confession: My hand shakes uncontrollably every time I press “publish” on Amazon, my blog, or anywhere else. And I still get heart palpitations while awaiting feedback on something I’ve written. Every. Single. Time.

I don’t think that will ever go away. Even so, I could eventually apply the following mantra…

Whatever happens one way or the other, I’m going to be okay.

It’s possible to get comfortable being uncomfortable. If I can do it, so can you.

Your fears may look something like mine:

ridicule
rejection
being alone
repeating history
crowded social settings (the struggle is real, folks)

Whether it’s the fear of failure, judgment, or the unknown, the natural instinct is to avoid the things that scare you. But here’s the paradox: avoidance is the fuel that makes fear stronger. Every time you sidestep a feared situation, you reinforce the brain’s belief that it is a genuine threat.

This stems from our brain’s “fight-or-flight” response, a primitive survival mechanism. The most effective way to recalibrate this system is not to run from fear, but to gradually and systematically face it. This principle, known as exposure therapy in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), teaches your brain that you can cope.

Even though all those things that scare you will try their damnedest to hold you back, acknowledging them will get you a lot farther in life than wasting time and energy in search of a cure. Otherwise, you become a slave to your fears, and they win.

If you hit a wall, don’t despair. It’s HARD. Cut yourself some slack when those demons get the better of you. Just remember that every day, every hour, every minute, and every second is a chance to try again.

Actionable Step: Create a “Fear Ladder”

• Identify a fear that is holding you back.
• Break it down into a list of small, manageable situations related to that fear.
• Rank them from least scary (10/100) to most terrifying (100/100).
• Start with the easiest step. Put yourself in that situation and stay there until your initial fear level reduces by about half.
• Move to the next step on your ladder once you’re comfortable. The gradual process proves to your brain that you are in control.

6. Find Fulfillment in the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Enjoy the journey. It’s a cliché for a reason. Every step you take in the name of personal progress is cause for celebration. Fulfillment needn’t come solely from your arrival at that final destination. In fact, “destintation addiction” is a primary cause of feeling stuck and burnt out.

The solution is to shift your focus from the outcome to the process by practicing mindfulness and cultivating intrinsic motivation. Mindfulness is the simple act of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to find moments of joy and learning in the daily tasks that lead to your goal. This connects directly to intrinsic motivation, the drive to do something because the activity itself is interesting or satisfying, rather than for some external reward. When you are energized by the work itself, you have a far more sustainable source of fuel than willpower alone.

Fluctuating levels of frustration are to be expected. Trust me, if it were easy, you wouldn’t want it, anyway. But every hurdle you scale doesn’t have to feel like pulling teeth. There is power in hard work and persistence. And pride. There is sparkle-worthy happiness you can revel in now.

Yes, now.

Have you ever said to yourself, “I’ll finally be happy once I…”

Me too. That’s because many dreamers trap themselves in a mindset of delayed well-being.

But guess what? You don’t have to wait.

Whether you’re taking a course, learning a trade, or meeting new people, you should praise those accomplishments. Every day you get out of bed to strive for whatever it is you’re after is a win.

Actionable Step: Practice “Process-Oriented” Thinking

For one of your daily goals, instead of focusing on just getting it done, focus on the experience of doing it. If your goal is to write, pay attention to the feeling of the keyboard under your fingers or the satisfaction of crafting a good sentence. This practice helps you find fulfillment in the journey, making the pursuit of your dreams an enjoyable part of your life right now.

7. Define Your Core Values to Create an Authentic Life

Become your own definition of success.

We all need that special something — a passion, a creative outlet, a career path — that enriches our sense of self. Something that can coexist with, yet is separate from, marriage and kids, etc. We need to feel successful on a singular, personal level. Yet perhaps the deepest reason we feel stuck is a misalignment between our daily actions and our core personal values. You might achieve a goal but feel empty and unfulfilled if the path to get there required you to compromise what truly matters to you. This disconnect, known as “value incongruence,” creates a quiet but persistent stress that drains your energy and sense of purpose.

While meeting external objectives is undoubtedly productive, lasting success is more about living in alignment with your values. Values act as an internal compass, guiding your decisions with clarity and integrity. When your goals and values are in harmony, you experience greater well-being and motivation because your efforts resonate deeply with who you are.

Though society uses things like job titles, padded wallets, trophy homes, and fancy cars to define success, it really has little to do with financial wealth or the accumulation of “stuff” or how many credentialing initials follow a person’s last name. Nor am I saying it’s wrong to want these things. But they don’t, and won’t, reflect your worth as a human being.

So, when is it safe to consider yourself a “success?”

Any time you want.

Are you a good person with a generous heart? Do you pay it forward? Care about others? Give time and attention to the people who count on you?

If so, then I’d say you’ve already knocked it out of the park.

Actionable Step: Identify Your Top 5 Core Values

Reflect on moments when you have felt most alive, proud, or fulfilled. What values were you honoring? (Examples include creativity, security, family, adventure, service, honesty). Write these values down and keep them visible. Before making a big decision, ask yourself: “Does this align with my core values?” This simple question is the key to creating a life of purpose and meaning.

Frequently Asked Questions

What to do when you feel stuck in your career?

Feeling stuck in a career is common. Start by using the steps above to identify your core values (Step 7). Does your current role honor them? Then, use achievable goal setting (Step 3) to explore small changes, like taking an online course, networking with someone in a field that interests you, or updating your resume.

How to stop feeling stuck in the past?

Whether you still ruminate over a breakup, a slip-up, or a chance not taken, feeling stuck in the past is often rooted in fear and regret. Practicing gratitude (Step 1) can help shift your focus to the present moment. If specific fears are holding you back, systematically facing them with a “fear ladder” (Step 5) can help you break their hold and move forward.

Why does change feel so scary?

Change feels scary because it represents the unknown, which our brains are hard-wired to perceive as a potential threat. In effect, this triggers a “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Recognizing that this is a natural biological reaction is the first step. By taking small, manageable steps toward your goals, you can prove to your brain that you can handle the uncertainty, reducing the fear over time.

In conclusion…

The power is within you to answer your dream’s call. With each step you take, celebrate every win, big and small. And remember: No matter how long it takes to get to where you want to go, as long as you keep moving, you’re already living the dream.

Copyright © S. A. Healey

The post How to Get Unstuck in Life first appeared on S A Healey.

There is a fine line between fear and excitement.

Take my morbid fascination with horror flicks, for example. I love the chills and thrills that quicken my pulse, but hate the nightmares threatening my sanity long after the credits stop rolling. Yet I continue to be a glutton for punishment, getting my kicks by watching these cinematic scare tactics through a veil of webbed fingers while resigning myself to a foreseeable future of sleeping with the lights on.

Fear. Suspense. Hair-raising pricklies and spine-tingling pandemonium. It’s all par for the course and part of the fun. And let’s not forget those ghoulish, flesh-eating, ax-wielding scene-stealers. The proverbial Preceptors of Doom and Provokers of Death. They have a way of permeating our intrinsic, even-keeled dispositions until we are literally one blood-curdling scream away from soiling ourselves.

Ghosts
Demonic spirts
Poltergeists
Zombies
Boogiemen
Past lovers

Hold up. Huh?

Hear me out.

Early in my adulthood, I took my first crack at a “steady” relationship with a guy we’ll call Keith. Admittedly, I hadn’t a clue what I was doing, and I fought my budding feelings, tooth and nail. “You can’t hurt me. I won’t let you” were the words I had actually uttered to Keith in a moment of affection rebellion—a pitiful attempt at self-preservation when I felt myself slipping into that vulnerable space where brains stop functioning and hearts reign supreme.

In other words, I was scared out of my wits.

We were good friends who sometimes kissed and held hands and succumbed to bouts of intense spooning. No need to make an over romanticized production out of it. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

Oh, what I fool I was.

Two years later, I was indubitably head-over-heels in love, having taken up permanent residence on Cloud Nine. Keith and I spoke of marriage. We were deliriously happy. Or so I thought. Then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, I found myself on the receiving end of his litany of excuses, a string of break-up lines fired off in rapid succession, beginning with the ever popular “It’s not you, it’s me” (which we all know is codespeak for, “I don’t love you anymore, so do me a solid and take a permanent hike out of my life.”).

Needless to say, I was devastated—an emotional basket case and dispenser for the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. I felt used, ugly, and unwanted. I prayed to the gods of dating karma, hoping they’d take pity on me while commanding the Earth to open up and swallow me whole, putting me out of my misery.

Yes, I’m being dramatic, and justifiably so—because amid such an experience, a real-life horror show takes shape—a relationship massacre, so to speak. Not only is it downright terrifying, but it hurts like hell.

When someone we love leaves us behind, we immediately embark on new journeys we didn’t intend to take.

As we trudge through the aftermath of our failed relationships, we dissect the remains and wonder where it all went wrong. It takes time for the grief to settle enough for us to grit through the pain as we begin to think that maybe…just maybe…everything will be okay.

Eventually, with a little help from our friends and Haagen-Dazs Rocky Road, we move on. Though sometimes, it’s not that simple.

The ghosts of past relationships have a twisted sense of humor, and they enjoy haunting us, looming large over our psyches while threatening to sabotage every future relationship we dare to dip our toes into.

When I finally reentered the dating pool, I was more of a wet blanket than an active participant. I started seeing a kind man—we’ll call him Pat—and our relationship chugged along for nearly six months before he finally cut his losses and kicked me to the curb. The saddest part was that I barely batted an eyelash after the fallout. My walls had gone up the moment we met, an emotionally impenetrable steel trap erected around Keith’s memory, holding it in protective lockdown where the spirit of my best self could live on.

Such a shame. Pat was a great guy. Smart. Funny. Handsome. We shared a palpable chemistry and were insanely compatible. The breakup should have hit me with the brutality of a belly flop gone horribly wrong. Instead, I remained comfortably numb in the shallow calm of my own denial.

So, what happened to being vulnerable? Why couldn’t I get with the freaking program?

The short answer?

Hearts are stubborn and fearful.

The longer answer?

More often than not, hearts remain fiercely loyal to the ghosts of past relationships, with ill regard of consequence. That’s because when we exchange a deep love with another person, it becomes unconditional, a bond so powerful that a breakup alone can’t squash it.

I remember my thought process after Keith sent me packing. Until that point, he had been the love of my life, and I couldn’t fathom ever replicating the same connection with another man. Instead of opening myself to the possibility of falling in love again, I shifted gears, resolving to be comfortably noncommittal.

Eventually, my warped sense of logic got the better of me, and I grew terribly lonely. After spending an inordinate amount of time in relationship limbo, I realized that my past with Keith had become more than just a memory I couldn’t let go of.

It was the symptomatic corpse burdening my soul.

With a fresh supply of determination coursing through my veins, I picked myself up, brushed myself off, and performed my first exorcism. It was fairly anticlimactic, devoid of blood, guts, or spinning heads. Yet it was undeniably effective.

If you, too, have been trapped under a mountain of baggage fashioned from ghosts, here are several ways to lighten your load and surrender all that dead weight…

Stop torturing yourself.

There’s no gentle way to say this. If you keep harping on your ex, he wins. Simple as that. Your inner sadist may prompt you to monitor his social media activity, “accidentally” run into him at his favorite hangouts, or drive by his house 50 times a day because you just “happened” to be in the neighborhood. But it’s best to resist those urges. If he catches you, trust me, he’ll be less than impressed and you’ll possibly earn a stalker reputation. He chose a life without you, regardless of how jilted you feel. So, you need to let him live it.

Toss out the mementos.

That ultra-comfy T-shirt he gifted you right off his back when he caught you admiring it—the one that smells like him—the one you still sleep in every night? Get rid of it. All those handwritten letters professing his undying love? Burn them. That goes for photos too. Sounds harsh, I know, but if you truly want to live in the present, you must first extract the keepsakes that keep you steeped in history.

Visualize.

What qualities do you look for in a partner? As you consider these traits, let your mind wander until it produces a clear visualization of your ideal mate. Mentally register each feature, mannerism, facial expression, muscle flexion, and lilt of vocal resonance. Then imagine interacting with this new love interest—flirting, laughing, trading anecdotes and smiles. Successful visualization can be a powerful tool for attracting what you want into your life. At the very least, it’ll shift your focus away from Whatshisface.

Get out there.

Enough with the sadness and isolation. It’s time to infuse all that gray with some light and color. Gussy yourself up, leave the house, and become reacquainted with the land of the living. Make plans with friends. Take an art class. Join a gym. Find new passions or rediscover old ones. Being proactive and dedicating time to the things you enjoy puts you back in the driver’s seat and the skeletons back in the closet where they belong.

Ditch the third wheel.

Speaking of skeletons, if you meet someone new and ignite a spark, don’t invite Bones along for a threesome. Comparing every potential love interest to an old relationship you’ve idealized in your head is unhealthy and counterproductive. Dating is supposed to be about having fun. Don’t ruin it by stressing about the future. Feeling scared or ambivalent is normal, but it’s important to stop looking at every new encounter as a failed relationship in the making.

Have faith.

Your ex is not the end-all and be-all. It may seem that way, especially when the wounds are still fresh, but you will love again, and on a deeper level than ever before. When you find “The One,” you’ll know irrefutably that your ex’s decision to end things was actually a blessing in disguise. I knew it the moment I met my husband, and still do all these years later.

~ ~ ~

Getting hurt is damaging and surviving loss is difficult. But in coming to terms with our fears, we can expel our inner demons, get out from behind those emotionally closed doors, and invite in the possibility of love. And with possibility comes the probability of a fulfilling, lasting relationship in the future.

Copyright © S. A. Healey

The post Exorcising the Ghosts of Past Relationships first appeared on S A Healey.

You shouldn’t have to work at love. If you do, then it isn’t love.

For months, I’ve seen sentiments similar to this one making the rounds on social media. And while proponents of such notions are certainly entitled to their opinions, I gotta say, I think it’s total bull. Yet at the same time, I get a sense of where these thoughts might originate.

Monotony.

Let’s consider the following scenario…

The alarm clock goes off at 5:30 AM. You feed the dog, let her out to do her business, brew some coffee, and then jump in the shower, all before you’ve even rubbed the sleepies out of your eyes. Once buffed and coiffed, you wake up the kids, cook them breakfast, pack their lunches, and put them on the school bus just in time for you to begin your morning commute to work. After putting in 10 hours at the office, you speed like a NASCAR driver in order to get to the daycare center before it closes. From there you burn rubber to a soccer match your kids were supposed to be at 20 minutes earlier. Your spouse, also fresh from work, meets you on the field, and you grunt your hellos before being sucked into conversations with other parents flanking you on the sidelines. Once the game’s over, you pull out your cell phone, order a pizza, pick it up on the way home, and then scarf it down in the car because that clock is tick tick ticking. When you finally swing into your driveway, you tip your head in acknowledgement of your spouse, who just pulled in behind you and also caught dinner on the fly. Together, you all walk into the house and the bedtime routine commences. By the time your kids are tucked in, all snug as bugs in rugs, you’re about ready for a visit from the Sand Man yourself. But just as you nod off to dreamland, you suddenly snap to attention, quickly shifting into full-on panic mode as you recall your promise to contribute something decadent to the school bake sale. You bolt to the kitchen and proceed to whip up enough double fudge brownies to feed a small army, while your spouse begins the first of two loads of laundry he must finish before his head hits the pillow.

So where’s the romance? Where’s the love?

It’s there. It just needs a little resuscitation.

Allow yourself to think back for a moment. Do you remember that time? When love was shiny, new, and euphoric? When you and your partner were consumed by the depths of your feelings for each other? When a mere kiss would make your head spin? When your passion was off the charts, all hands and lips and skin on skin? When everything you saw in each other was beautiful and perfect? When you shared your dreams and cultivated new ones together?

I sure do. God, those were some good times. I lived in my own utopia. I was free. I was uninhibited. I was energy. I was alive.

So, what happened?

The daily grind. The passing of time. The tedium of it all. LIFE.

Things don’t change overnight. The process is so gradual that we usually don’t recognize what’s happening until years later when we swim in feelings of nostalgia, reflecting back on our youth while longing for the spontaneity, creativity, and excitability that used to live inside us. The good thing is that in doing so, we unearth our most precious memories of budding love, endless passion, and life without limits.

And it’s in the remembering that we can begin to do the work to get some of that back.

True love—the kind that lasts forever —still flourishes in moments of magic, but it also takes work, compromise, respect, and understanding to keep its engine running. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. This kind of love is not found in the fall. The fall is infatuation. The fall is chemistry. The fall is novelty.

It’s what happens after those initial punch-drunk moments of courtship that determines a relationship’s longevity. Because that’s when we let our guards down and allow our true selves to come to light.

When love is new, we view our partners through rose colored glasses. We overlook their quirks and bad habits. We turn a blind eye when they have food stuck in their teeth. We find charm in their tendency to leave their dirty laundry on the bathroom floor. But as routines take over and life evolves into predictability, the glasses come off and every unsavory detail becomes magnified. As a result, the mere sight of a single unlaundered sock can compel even the most rational person to open up a can of whoop ass.

It’s not a blame game. It’s simply a very normal part of what many of us as couples go through as we navigate this topsy-turvy journey of life and love. Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship for any length of time knows that the demise of the so-called “honeymoon phase” is inevitable. As we grow older, take on more responsibilities, and experience heightened levels of stress, the passion-induced euphoria we once reveled in goes poof.

So what do we do about it? Throw in the towel? Assume the love is gone?

Hell. No.

It’s tempting to subscribe to the ill-conceived notion that love can only be experienced in shades of grandeur and hypnotic wonderment, where the passion fruit grows freely and the nights are filled with shooting stars scribbling sweet nothings across the sky in shimmer dust. But that’s not real life.

And if you expect love to feel like that all the time, you’re not only setting yourself up for disappointment, you’re robbing yourself of the many gifts that come from stick-to-itiveness, tenderness, and commitment.

We are human beings, and as such, we are imperfect creatures. There are moments of magic, and moments when we lose our way. There are moments of elation, and moments when we unwittingly become byproducts of life in these modern times, where technical advances and ’round-the-clock accessibility lump us in with a society of “doers.” Sometimes we forget that it’s okay to catch our breaths and experience the joy of simply existing.

We never intend to make the ones we love feel like afterthoughts. But it happens. And it doesn’t mean we love them any less. But the truth is that sometimes we forget to show it.

Daily obligations and even trivial tasks can feel insurmountable at times, replenishing themselves with unfathomable speed. Instead of fueling that fire that used to burn in our bellies—that compulsion to live in the moment and love with every fiber—we bury those impulses under fatigue and depletion, setting our sights on simply making it through the day.

Before we realize it, we’re riding that wave of monotony. Sometimes, we ride it for so long that it becomes a strange source of comfort. That’s a dangerous slipstream to head down because then we risk submerging whole parts of ourselves from the other. And when that happens, we begin to feel suffocated. But you know what? It doesn’t have to be that way.

Love isn’t going to sustain itself if we don’t nourish it. Love and effort go hand in hand. I’ll say it again: Love takes work.

And I’m not suggesting adding a gazillion more items to your seemingly endless list of to-dos. But if you’re in a relationship and you find yourself at an impasse, weighted down by the daily routine or stuck in the doldrums of mediocrity, then do yourself a favor.

Open the lines of communication with your partner.

Now, I’m not talking about staying in an abusive situation or keeping a relationship chugging along that has truly run its course. That’s different. I’m referring to reestablishing that connection with the one person you can’t imagine living your life without.

Once you recognize the ruts you’ve slipped into as a couple, you can begin to make small changes to pull yourselves out while embarking on a journey of self-discovery together. Reminisce. Look at old photos. Watch your wedding video. Transport yourselves back to a time when your hearts swelled with fervent love and you were passion personified. Do some soul-searching. Talk things out. As a result, not only will you begin to experience some of the magic that made you fall in love in the first place, but you’ll love each other on a deeper level than ever before. Because you’ve got history. And there is romance within those ancient halls of shared memories. There are abandoned rooms that are just waiting for you to draw the curtains and let in the light.

So, what constitutes true love?

For me, it’s the look he gives me from across the room when he thinks I don’t notice. It’s the “I Love You” he writes in the steamed-up mirror for me to find when I get out of the shower. It’s the texts he sends me throughout the day, just to say he’s thinking of me. It’s the way we talk through our problems instead of letting them fester. It’s getting through arguments with a better understanding of where the other is coming from. It’s making date nights a priority again. It’s comparing notes about all the funny, silly, amazing things our kids said or did on a particular day. It’s not expecting the other to be flawless. It’s recognizing when the other needs space. It’s never going to bed angry. It’s admitting when we’re wrong and saying sorry.

I wouldn’t trade what I have now for what I had in the beginning for all the money in the world. The beginning was breaking ground…laying the foundation. The years that followed saw the walls go up, then the windows, doors, ceilings, and floors. We’ve built a home together. A life. And, yes, it took effort. And maybe it’s not perfect, but I think that’s the beauty of it. Perfection is overrated anyway.

So do the work and reap the rewards. Relive the magic. Feel the passion. Remember what it was like to fall head-over-heels and then show your partner how much you love and appreciate them.

Love doesn’t have to lay dormant. It is a splendid thing!

Copyright © S. A. Healey

The post Love and Effort: The Dynamic Duo first appeared on S A Healey.

She often speaks of love

Copyright © S. A. Healey

The post From Self-Loathing to Self-Love (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

Granted, by February my penchant for flip flops and beach-combing has me cursing winter’s frost with a teeth-chattering “damn you!” vehemence.

But, in December…

There is magic to be had.

Specifically, yuletide movie magic. The heart-swelling, tummy-tumbling, butterfly-inducing variety.

Of course, this doesn’t in any way diminish my overwhelming love for all things bookish. Still, holiday-themed romantic movies always manage to hit me right in the ol’ ticker. Between the elaborate sets, twinkling lights, pirouetting snowflakes, hearthside snuggles, hot cocoa mustaches, trees trimmed to ooh-aah perfection, and the lip locking powers of mistletoe…

I am in holiday hog heaven.

And if spending the twelve days of Christmas perched in front my DVR is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right.

So, with that in mind, here are my…

5 Fave Films for Seasonal Swooning

(warning: may cause intense warm fuzzies)

5. Bridget Jones’s Diary

Swoon-worthy quote: “I like you very much just as you are.”

One word… Colin Firth. No wait, that’s two words. One name? No, that’s not right either. Oh, never mind. My brain is mush.

See? This is what Colin does to me. As soon as he graces the silver screen (or any screen for that matter), I am a puddle of goo on the spot. He’s got the brooding, respectable, good-guy routine down to a tantalizing T.

Oh, right. There are other people in the movie too. Renée Zellweger and Hugh Grant round out a well-crafted cast.

This film is a clever, hilarious, modern-day take on Pride and Prejudice. Does it resort to outrageous, cringe-worthy silliness at times? Yes. Is it terribly realistic? Not exactly. Yet, somehow, it all works with a certain je ne sais quoi, to the point where I’ve practically worn out my DVD from repeat viewings.

4. The Holiday

Swoon-worthy quote: “I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.”

As far as movie roles go, Kate Winslet sure knows how to pick ’em. I honestly can’t think of a single film she’s appeared in that I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed.

(Hums the score to Titanic)

Anywho, The Holiday is so undeniably charming that even my husband likes it (and he usually rolls his eyes while simultaneously blowing raspberries during “chick flicks”). It stars (along with Winslet) Cameron Diaz, Jude Law (those eyes!), and Jack Black—who is, to my pleasant surprise, utterly sweet and appealing here.

In a nutshell, the story follows two women in the thick of guy-problem suffrage, who swap homes (and countries) in order to clear their heads and, with a little luck, embark on journeys to healing.

From the get-go, you pretty much know how the story is going to end. But, trust me, you wouldn’t want it any other way.

3. Serendipity

Swoon-worthy quote: “Maybe we’re lying here because you don’t wanna be standing somewhere else.”

Fate. Does it really have the power to guide us toward the people we’re meant to be with? I believe it does. As a matter of fact, I know it does.

John Cusack (whom I’ve fawned over since The Sure Thing) and Kate Beckinsale (how adorable is she?) play Jonathan and Sara, who, despite obstacles of time and space, are unable to quell a mutual longing forged from a single, magnetic, chance encounter.

These would-be lovebirds are so wholesome and endearing that you can’t help but teeter on the edge of your seat, rooting for them every step of the way.
Passion vs. predictability. Which would you choose?

If you’re keen on uplifting, enchanting, seasonal whimsy, then this movie is right up your alley.

2. Love Actually

Swoon-worthy quote: “To me, you are perfect.”

Though touted by many as being the most romantic movie in the history of lovey-dovey cinema, I was initially skeptical. Not typically a fan of ensemble-cast, multiple storyline theatricals, I almost skipped this production altogether. But, then I remembered…

Colin Firth is in it.

Need I say more?

So I gave it a go and, holy swoonmuffins, was I ever glad I did!

This is holiday escapism at its finest, not to mention a prime example of movie-casting gold. Liam Neeson, Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson (love her!), the-man-can-do-no-wrong Firth, Laura Linney, Alan Rickman (RIP), Keira Knightly (on whom I have a slight girl crush), Rowan Atkinson, Bill Nightly, Martine McCutcheon, January Jones, Elisha Cuthbert, Billy Bob Thornton, Denise Richards, and Rodrigo Santoro all lend their acting chops, resulting in a cinematic experience for the ages.

If you are a hopeless romantic like me, you will love this movie with every fiber of your being. Prepare to run the full gamut of giggles, tears, full-bodied smiles, accelerated heartbeats, and dreamy sighs.

1. It’s a Wonderful Life

Swoon-worthy quote: “What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”

Sigh. I love this movie so much.

When it comes to unforgettable, cinematic-romantic chemistry, Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed are in a class all their own.

Each time Jimmy appears on-screen as George Bailey, you feel his words and the breaths that propel them. You join him on his quest for the American dream, through all the highs and lows—joy, hope, despondence, and desperation.
I seriously cannot watch this movie enough, or without getting a lump in my throat. Maybe it’s because I’ve been where George has been. Maybe we all have.

But there is redemption.

And Mary.

She is his rock, his safe haven, his home … though he doesn’t always realize it.
Yet her love for him never wavers.

And when George finally alights upon an angel-guided epiphany…

Well, I don’t know a person alive who doesn’t feel compelled to reevaluate their own existence and count their blessings as a result.

***************

So there you have it. Do you agree with my list?

Honorable mentions go out to Miracle on 34th Street, Scrooged, While You Were Sleeping, and Happy Christmas.

With so many wonderful romantic holiday flicks to choose from, I’m sure you have your own favorites.

So nuke up some popcorn, hunker down for a yuletide movie marathon, and enjoy.

Copyright © S. A. Healey

The post My 5 Fave Films for Seasonal Swooning first appeared on S A Healey.

Actually, I’m already itching to get this show on the road. After taking a multi-month respite from social media, I feel refreshed and focused with a close-to-crystal vision of where I’m headed and how I’m aiming to get there.

Going off-grid wasn’t something I initially had any intention of sticking out for more than a spell. I simply wanted to spend a bit of concentrated time in manuscript-immersion mode as opposed to perpetually stuck in the eyes-to-the-phone-screen position.

One day unplugged would be doable, I thought. Two, tops.

But one day became one week, which had somehow morphed into three months. Three months fully present and finally—yes, finally—hitting my authorly stride. I wrote books…plural. And outlined others. And tweaked my business plan. And established a second brand for my mature adult fiction. It was like a whole new me had surfaced and taken over— the frantic, urgent, impassioned writer I always knew was buried inside.

I’d have been crazy to fight it.

The words kept coming and I wasn’t about to disinvite them by answering my phone’s seduction call and becoming lost in an abyss of selfies, subtweets, and hashtagery.

Of course, that’s not to say I didn’t miss those things. Because I did. A lot. Nor am I condemning social media, smartphones, or the internet at large. Because I love ’em! I do! Heck, if it weren’t for a little platform called Wattpad.com and the encouragement and support I’d received there when I was starting out, I would never have published my first book.

However, the lessons learned during my time offline have been invaluable, leaving me indelibly prepared for a more fulfilling and productive New Year and beyond. Especially this golden nugget of wisdom…

Writing comes first—always.

(Side note: We all know that family in fact comes first, but within the context of this blogspace I’m strictly talking from a career-longevity standpoint. Okay, I’m glad I got that off my chest.)

So, writing, eh? What a revelation! Not.

I mean, really—it couldn’t be more obvious. Yet we still tend to forget, don’t we? How many of us have poured our blood, sweat and tears into writing and publishing that one book only to become consumed immediately thereafter with things like algorithms, sales rankings, sponsored ads, page likes, social media shares, and wondering if one needs to sacrifice their first born in order to get reviews?

Just me? Well, never mind then.

In all seriousness, though, nothing is more vital—more necessary—than putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and churning out those stories. Its importance is paramount. It has to be. Otherwise, word counts remain stagnant, which is a real mood killer. Trust me.

Try to think of it this way: The more time you spend online, the less time you spend writing, and the longer it takes to build a loyal readership. You want followers? Great! Retweets? Fantastic! Shares? Who wouldn’t!?

But if you want to experience steady career growth, touch the lives of others with your stories, and find readers in increasing numbers who’ll stick with you for the long haul…

Then write more books.

Speaking from my own experience, I knew the only way I was ever going to get my groove back was to forget trying to be everywhere all at once. To stop obsessing over rankings. To reunite with my phone only after I’d met my daily word count goal and not a moment before.

It was challenging at first. We are, after all, creatures of habit. But gradually, the more I left the phone aside, the more it freed up my imagination, and the more words filled my pages. The result is three books I’ll be bringing to you in 2019.

Who woulda thunk it? Certainly not me!

Maintaining a social media presence while keeping your finger on the pulse of what’s happening in the publishing industry should be a part of every writer’s platform-building and marketing strategy. Not to mention that it’s also a wonderful way to engage with readers and show support for other writers whose work you enjoy.

But if you’re a writer who spends more than a fair amount of time online (don’t we all?) while consistently drifting in and out of states of creative inertia, then scaling back on scrolling-n-posting, even just a little, could make all the difference in your bookish output.

So that might mean updating your Facebook status 2-3 times a week instead of daily. Or scheduling your tweets ahead of time so that they’ll automatically post at chosen intervals (there are many useful apps for this purpose). This is perfectly acceptable and more than sufficient. Because honestly, when it comes right down to it, your posting frequency won’t translate to much if you’re not actively expanding your catalog of work by…

Say it with me…

Writing.

And if you need to go off-grid like I did to get those juices flowing, then that’s okay too. Just keep in mind that when you lay low for a stretch of time, some of your followers may become unfollowers. That’s to be expected. But don’t worry. Your genuine internet friends and supporters, as well as readers who are genuinely interested in the type of content you create will not only have your back, they’ll be right there waiting upon your return.

So write first, scroll-n-post later. Your career (and your readers!) will thank you for it.

Oh, and Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Copyright © S. A. Healey

The post Back from Social Media Hiatus: What I’ve Learned first appeared on S A Healey.

“Never again will I love,” she proclaimed
“Never again will I give,” she explained
“Never again will I chase the chaser”
“Stroke the ego”
“Be led by reins made from frays of detachment”

She told herself
Life was brilliant, easier
When she kept her heart guarded
Though at the point of sale
She didn’t buy
What she was pushing

Yet she existed without living
Thought without reasoning
Reached for tomorrow
Inside ancient history
Plagued by its confines
As the floor met the ceiling
And the walls closed in

She took to sand and sea
Cloud gazing in the dunes
Spongy beds beneath her spine
Bursts of freckles just a sun-kiss away
As she finally came to

Her fractured fairytale
Still pierced her mind
But its jabs were brief
And its frequency was fading

Oh, but she was slow
To usher in…him
A knight without the armor 
Bold and uninvited
Extracting her from that comfy corner
Of complacency

She took his attention
With a side of suspicion
Despite emotions upending
Without permission
Blending then curving
In all directions

Ah, but it felt too good

Too rare
Too risky
Too scary
Too much
Too fast
Too soon

She charted an escape
A path to resistance
Right there for the taking

She clung to it
Bathed in it
Slept in it
Woke to it
Gorged herself on it
And wore it
Like a second skin

But damn
If he wasn’t persistent
And beautiful
And so easy to adore

But surely
Her surrender
To that exquisite ache
Adhering to her frantic pulse
Was merely a prelude
To a greater pain to come?

No
Yes

Predictions were tangled
And often convoluted
So she took a leap of fate
For this joy was worth
Every maybe

When he showed her the stars
She was infinite
When he opened his arms
She fell home
When he pulled her close
Her body remembered
What she told it to forget
Its artful formation
Both courageous and kind

When he held out his heart
She slipped it on for size
Its perfect fit
Impossible to ignore

And when she let out her crazy
He took out his scars
And when she let down her hair
He caught all her fears
And when he kept coming back
She stopped asking why
And when he loved her
She loved him more

Copyright © S. A. Healey

The post More (a poem) first appeared on S A Healey.

The look.

It’s the one people lay on me after learning what I do for a living—more specifically, the fact that I write…

Wait for it…

ROMANCE.

It’s a look that evolves from…

Are you serious?

To…

No, you can’t be serious.

To…

Holy @#%&, you ARE serious.

To…

Oh, how cute. You actually think you’re a REAL writer.

And, to further drive the spike into my already fragile ego, a saccharine-laced response usually piggybacks “the look,” something along the lines of…

“Those books are okay to read if you don’t want to think too much.”

Ouch.

Unfortunately, this perplexing (and rather unwarranted) romance-is-a-subpar-genre attitude is something I’ve been running into for as long as I can remember.

There’s an assumption shared by many that neither effort nor intelligence is required to write romance novels and that their pages contain nothing but embarrassingly sappy drivel. And if you actually read them, then God help you, because you’d better be armed with one mother of a justifiable reason—namely, your brain needing a sabbatical.

Pffft.

Personally speaking, I can tell you that reading and writing romance has nothing to do with a lack of creative depth or an unhealthy penchant for heaving bosoms and quivering loins.

By the way, 99.999% of romance imprints did away with those terms eons ago.

Fact: Romance consistently ranks as one of the top-selling literary genres.

Yet, ironically, it comes up the rear in terms of respect and credibility…which, if I’m being frank, kind of steams my clams.

Whether or not people admit it, they’re reading romance and lots of it. So, you know what I say?

Be proud!

When you’re engaged in bookish chit-chat with someone who asks you, “Why romance?” you can fire back with a simple, but effective…

“Why not?”

Then point them in the direction of a book like Pride and Prejudice and I’ll bet they never ask you that question again.

The one thing I love most about voracious romance readers is that they…just…get it. If you’re reading this right now, then chances are, you do too.

And I am so grateful to have you along!

Of course, I’m not suggesting that everyone should go gaga over romance novels, because as we all know, art in its various forms is subjective. What one gets off on the other may yawn over. It’s a matter of personal preference.

Even as a self-proclaimed sucker for all things swoon-worthy, I still enjoy dipping my eyeballs into horror, mystery, suspense, and fantasy.

Stephen King, if you’re reading this, I love you!

(Who am I kidding? There’s no chance in hell he’s reading this.)

What I’m saying is that romance deserves equal inclusion as a legitimized, stigma-free genre among its industry counterparts.

Does that mean all romance novels are worth critical acclaim? Heck no. There are some sucky ones out there for sure. But do other genres have their own share of craptastic representation? You betcha.

Again, if you follow this blog, then I’m probably preaching to the choir. Maybe you’re actually a romance writer yourself. If so, then you’re also familiar with “the look.”

There will always be people who don’t understand, or even want to, and that’s okay. Because the rest of us know that with the romance genre, there is so much more than meets the eye upon that curious first glance. It’s the type of fiction that gets into your mind and stays there, the type that explores love and intimacy from within the intricate tapestry of the human condition. It inspires hope—and yes, even change. So…

Whether you read it…or create it…

I hope it inspires you too.

If you’re proud to be a romance fan, let me know by leaving a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

Copyright © S. A. Healey

The post Why Romance? Why Not? first appeared on S A Healey.